“That’s it! You can take us there in a blimp! Swear you’ll take us. Cross your heart! Cross it! Cross your heart” – Ellie.
“Good. You promised. No backing out” – Ellie.
(Ellie making Carl promise he’ll take her there. Carl promises)
This is how the wonderful animation movie ‘Up‘ by Disney Pixar begins. Protagonist Carl Fredericksen’s childhood friend Ellie (with whom he gets married later) asks him for a promise – to take her to the beautiful place called ‘Paradise Falls’. Despite planning and saving money for their dream, it remains unfulfilled until Ellie passes away due to old age. Carl decides to find the place assuming that Ellie would want him to do so. Quite a lot of emotions are packed into the one and a half hour movie before he finds what she really wanted…
In our lives, we offer many promises – some spoken out loud while some unspoken. We feel obliged to those to the extent where it becomes almost burdensome for us. Despite facing various challenges, we tend to stretch beyond our limits because of an innate sense of responsibility to honour our word. Sometimes, we assume that our loved ones have certain expectations from us – which might be true in many cases – but we tend to overestimate the perceived happiness those expectations are supposed to bring along if we meet those.
The premises upon which the expectations are based might have changed over the period of time. We cling to the same dream whereas the circumstances may have evolved to render the dream irrelevant. For example, suppose a father couldn’t buy a Teddy-bear soft toy that his daughter desperately wanted at the age of 8. If he buys her a similar Teddy as a present for her 13th birthday, she may not even like it. A teenager that she will be then, a fantasy fiction YA novel may give her more joy. A polca dot style frock she used to cherish as a kid may seem too childish to wear today as per her current taste.
I am not suggesting here that we should let wishes of our loved ones remain incomplete if the right time has passed. You may even buy them the gifts which may be redundant by then. The point I want to make is that the urge to do so should stem from sheer love and affection but not from guilt. Let’s talk about another example of our parents’ wish. They strive their whole lives wanting to make us happy. When they grow older we too want to reciprocate – not only as a duty but also as our mutual affection compels us.
Fun part is that our parents always keep feeling that they could be better parents by granting us with whatever desires we had as kids, although it’s humanly impossible unless they had a Genie to assist them. Similarly, as we become adults, we also think that it is a failure on our part if our parents suffer with chronic illnesses and if their situation does not improve even after providing medical and / or psychological assistance. We are unable to digest that the promise – to take care of them always like they took of ours – can only be fulfilled to a certain extent.
We are here to love unconditionally. We can take efforts to maximum of our capacities. Ultimately, many promises will be met, and many will be unmet. Although we would like to realise every other desire, it may not be feasible. I may sound fatalistic, but my sincere wish is to convey that we can not give our best to the life until we make peace with ‘What is’. ‘What could be or what can be’ is always beyond our control.
Thanks for the adventure. Now go have a new one! – Love, Ellie
(Carl reading Ellie’s book and finally getting closure)
iluvorchid 